Why Moms Are So Exhausted (And Why It's Not Just Sleep)

For a long time, I thought I just needed a better night's sleep. That was the whole diagnosis, as far as I was concerned!

I kept telling myself I'd catch up on the weekend, and then the weekend would come and go, and I'd still wake up Monday feeling like I hadn't rested in months. Because I hadn't, and no amount of sleeping in was ever going to touch what was really going on underneath.

There's a kind of tired that sleep takes care of, and then there's the other kind. The one that sits underneath everything and makes you foggy in a conversation you genuinely care about.

That second kind isn't a sleep problem at all. Here's what I wish somebody had told me a whole lot sooner about why moms are so exhausted!

Why Moms Are So Exhausted — Your Brain Never Actually Clocks Out

Let me tell you what I've noticed in my own life.

I'm not just doing the things that need doing, I'm keeping track of every single one of them. I know exactly which lamb needs checking before dark, and I never once sat down and decided to know that. It just lives in my head, running quietly in the background while I'm doing everything else, and it doesn't turn off when I finally sit down.

Our minds never really clock out, which means our bodies never fully come down either. That isn't a character flaw, it's a mental load.

You're Living Off Everybody Else's Leftovers

Then there's the food part.

Be honest with me for a second. What did you actually eat today?

If the answer involves half a granola bar and whatever was left on a toddler's plate, welcome, you're in excellent company! We will feed everyone in the house with real food and then run ourselves on scraps and call it fine.

You're Sleeping, But You're Not Really Resting

Broken sleep and short sleep are not the same problem, and most of us are dealing with both. You can technically get seven hours and still wake up like you fought somebody all night.

Quality matters as much as quantity here, and nobody really tells you that part. A short wind down routine you can actually repeat does more than people expect it to. It doesn't have to be long to count!

Coffee Is a Loan, Not Energy

Which brings me to the thing most of you reach for first.

I know you love coffee, and I am absolutely not telling you to quit! (I actually never leaned for coffee, so I can't say I understand how hard this might be, but I did have my own vice for a pick me up!)

But caffeine doesn't create energy, it borrows it, and by cup number four you're jittery and still exhausted underneath it all. Real energy gets built underneath the coffee, not on top of it, and that means food, water, and a nervous system that gets to come down sometimes.

You Put Yourself Last and Called It Love

This last one is the real one, and it's the piece that took me longest to believe. You'd never let your kids run on four hours of sleep and skipped meals for a month straight and just tell them to push through it, right?

But so many of us will do exactly that to ourselves and call it devotion.

My body is what carries me through every season God has placed me in, and ignoring it has never once made me a better mom. It just makes me a more depleted one.

What Actually Helped Me

I'd love to tell you there was one dramatic moment where it all turned around, but let's be real. There rarely is one, and that's okay!

What happened for me was a lot slower and less impressive. I just got tired enough of being tired that I stopped treating my own body like the one thing on the list that could keep waiting until later.

It started with eating an actual breakfast instead of whatever was left on my daughter's plate. Nothing worth posting about, and nothing that would look like progress to anyone watching! Just something I could genuinely repeat on a regular Tuesday with a baby on my hip and a barn that needed checking.

And somewhere in there I also started accepting support instead of white knuckling my way through every single week. That support has looked like a few simple things I keep consistent even when everything else falls apart:

• Brew in the morning, for clean energy without the jitters that always came with my pre-workout 3x per day 😵‍💫

• Balance to fill in the gaps on the days meals are getting grabbed between chores (sometimes Its inevitable).

• Drift at night, with my journal or book - because sleep quality changes everything downstream of it (this Is LITERALLY one of my favorite parts of my day).

None of that is magic and I'd never pretend otherwise. They're just my tools, and small and repeatable beats perfect every single time. You can see everything I use daily here, and I'm always happy to talk it through with you from a place of education and never pressure, because I honestly love this stuff!

Your Turn

I'm not writing this from the other side of anything, and I want to be honest about that!

There are still weeks where I get it wrong and wonder by Thursday why I have no patience left for anybody. Progress hasn't been a straight line for me and I doubt it will be for you either. I just keep pushing through, even when I don't want to!

But I don't call it normal anymore, and I've stopped waiting for a calmer season before I take care of myself. That calmer season isn't coming, so I've learned to do it in the middle of the mess instead.

If you're reading this feeling worn thin and a little guilty for even wanting more energy, hear me on this.

You're not failing, and you're not lazy, and you're definitely not broken.

So tell me, what's the one thing you'd do tomorrow if you actually had the energy for it?

I'd love to hear it! Sometimes just knowing that somebody else gets it is exactly what us moms need. 💗

Love,

Breanna